Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
