Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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