my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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