you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
