I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
