i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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