I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
