when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
