i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
