Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
