that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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