If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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