I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
