New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
