Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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