I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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