She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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