i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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