We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
