Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
