Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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