How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
