id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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