Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
