I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
