i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
