I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
