Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
