So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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