im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
