WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
