Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
