I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
