You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
