end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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