I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
