I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
