all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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