And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
