I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
