Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
