i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
