hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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