i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
