your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
