She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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