I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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