I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
