so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
