Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
