I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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