I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
