We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
