i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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